Unwell

Haven’t been feeling very well lately, physically and mentally getting more and more ill each day. Yes, I have been very emotionally lately, please bear with me as I am going through a big hurdle. I’m sorry, if you couldn’t wait or stand it that you have to start moving around or avoiding me. Seemed like everything I do is wrong. So maybe I shouldn’t do anything and just sit there ? 

Have been getting my migraine back more often now, tried my best to close my eyes shut to get some sleep, trying very hard not to rely on my pills, trying very hard not to think too much, praying very hard hoping it would end. I have been having nose bleeds almost every morning, I have been having bad stomach ache (doesn’t seem to be gastric) almost everyday for many weeks already. I’m still active as usual, sometimes I go for swimming at my aunt’s place, sometimes I go for badminton with my colleagues in office. I eat ok as usual. Probably I am internally sick ? 

Mom has been calling more and more often lately, telling me  not to sleep so late, etc, saying if I keep having long term coughs, I should be careful as one of her tailor got cancer with those symptoms, not sure whether or not she’s still alive, but one thing I know, she can’t talk anymore as it spread to her throat. Somehow, I wished that it’s true, so that I have an excuse, to be laid aside, to be bugged less or understood better. I’m very depressed, I hope I won’t die because of this, I know I won’t cause people have been taking me lightly and thinks whatever I am going through is noting serious. haha…  

Anyway, it’s just grumbling and nagging or you can call it whining, yeah, you are right, I am like a child. Why am I trying so hard to understand you when you are not even bothered or you just gave the reason “I never know your thoughts, never know what you want, you are so hard to understand”? 

Just hope my migraine kills me one day, so that my brain can burst and I need to take it out, then maybe, I will not be able to remember all these disappointing and depressing things… 

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