I lost it

I have been very down on Saturday, was really upset when I found out that one of my good friends was talking behind my back. I would be happy, if this friend, just spoke to me about what she’s facing, that she didn’t like rather than talking behind my back. I am so disappointed, I didn’t have the mood to do anything at all. I even gave up going to meet Whitney Miller at her autograph session at MPH, 1U. Cause I was too depressed and cause I was up sobbing the whole night. I wished someone could have comfort me that time, but no one was around. Around to hear me out… I have kept this feeling until today, that I have decided to tell my blog. So at least I could read out all my foolish thoughts and feelings back next time. Where no one, I guess, could ever understand. I hurt myself again, since the last time, because the pain in the heart couldn’t stop that I have to create pain from my physical body to distract me away from the pain in the heart. I shattered… I was angry, I was screaming my lungs out, but no one (luckily maybe) was home to wonder which psycho bitch is screaming at the middle of the night. I couldn’t sleep, my thoughts were all sad and angry thoughts, remembering what I heard and saw what that person wrote. I wish I didn’t have seen it. I wished that person didn’t have shown me. 

Dear you,

You were the one who taught me that I should share my feelings, that I should share with you what I feel like. And I trusted you for that so I share every bits of feelings that I go through with you, and now you are taking all the things I have shared with you a joke, you laughed about it with others. That’s so unfair! And I have put all my trust in you, thank you, so so much. It’s been nice, all those years when we used to laugh so much and have fun together, now that I have found out your true self, I am ashamed that all the things you said back then, were all filthy lies. You don’t deserve to judge anymore, never!. And you know what, thanks to you, I am going to start shutting up again. Don’t you dare complaining to other that I am not telling you anything again, cause you were the one, who did this. I am not blaming you, I just lost my trust in you. That’s all… I’m not going to give a damn on what you do now, and I will only talk when you ask me anything. Those extra informations, I shall keep it in the bottom of my heart, where nobody will know or may laugh about it. You might think those are very normal things, as usual, you have always took all my things unimportant. To you, there’s only you, and you. All the selfish thoughts. And when I pointed out, you always get agitated, you have never, think on other’s shoes. I tell you, never. And no one shall find out I suppose, cause you never even bother checking my blog. So yeah, hope you have a wonderful life ahead, with your imaginary world and bull shit. God Bless you, I really mean it. All the best to what you are about to encounter. For those who have always sided you are those who are going to hurt you the most for I who have tried so hard to help you for the past years, were the one who always have hurt your feelings, cause I know that being hurt by me is better for me to see you getting hurt in the outside world… but I guess, you will never understand. If you ever read this, and if you have ever realise that, I am always here for you. Take care friend, I will always love you, as a very good friend. 

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