Started coughing again after recovering. . . Think I am going to die very soon ? Cos there’s few parts of the body that aches terribly, such as the heart area and also abdomen. Maybe I should go pay doc a visit. Or I shouldn’t since some people say I don’t deserve to live anyway. Seems that I am causing a lot of people their sufferings, maybe I should just leave and do everyone a favor. Probably everyone would be happy ? Sorry I am being emo again, I bet some of you would be so sick reading my blog now. I am sorry, I don’t mean it. I just wanted to express how I felt ?
As this is the only place where I can voice out. I just don’t know how to speak out with friends anymore. I’m too scared, I am a coward. Yes, I choose to run away, well, sooner or later, it will come back to me. Karma. Just finished watching 07 ghost lately, and I fell in love with the song and the anime. I am so useless, and somehow I feel I am a little like Teito, but I know friends around are just like the bishops who are trying hard to help him out. I will live for a reason, I know I’m being born to this world for a reason. I should not judge myself this way perhaps? God wouldn’t be happy seeing this, I am being very selfish I guess. Talking rubbish again but I want to thank Wani and Shio for accompanying me these few weekends. And thanks for not asking me why I look like this, I might be blunt sometimes, and I might not reply sometimes. I am sorry . . . And I know sometimes I just spoiled the mood, but I am glad that you both, and other sisters are around. Thanks Aster for disturbing me everyday for ohm nom nom, I might just skip meals, and to others also for the concern.
I’m not focused again. Just don’t know what the hell is bothering. I should probably just bang my head to the wall, so that I’ll lose some memories, or I should just forget everything, and start a new life, but in another way, I don’t feel like doing this, as I want to face this. This is the challenge of life that I must face, I shouldn’t run away. I will face what we have to go through with everyone. I know deep deep inside, God loves each and everyone of us, sorry suddenly I sound so religious, oh well, I have no mood in doing my work now. Just felt like writing. I have so many incomplete tasks, need to meet up with bro today, and pick up sis-in law and little Micole from the air port at midnight, send them back to KL, sleep over at bro’s place and head off to work early tomorrow morning.
I still have promised things that I have not do. Tuesday is a friend’s Birthday, Wednesday am planning to bring CC to Connaught, and Thursday after work, will be driving straight home to Ipoh with kacee. Hope I can cope with these few days schedule. Friday would be freaking busy, helping mum doing the final preparations, cook and etc. I hope there’s connection at home, at least I can still wish friends who are not able to go back a Happy and Wonderful holiday. And I hope everyone would enjoy their CNY. All the best, will write a little throughout the week, if I could. And I hope the next post would not be another crappy rubbish emo post.
Thanks again friends, who encouraged me not to stop writing. I owe everyone too much. Wished I could repay, so I am praying to god, to ease everyone’s heart, soften them, whatever happens, there’s always someone praying for you. Although we are far apart, or we are no longer together, I hope the best for you. Stay tough!~
Happy Chinese New Year 2010 ~