Not feeling well . . .

Started coughing again after recovering. . . Think I am going to die very soon ? Cos there’s few parts of the body that aches terribly, such as the heart area and also abdomen. Maybe I should go pay doc a visit. Or I shouldn’t since some people say I don’t deserve to live anyway. Seems that I am causing a lot of people their sufferings, maybe I should just leave and do everyone a favor. Probably everyone would be happy ? Sorry I am being emo again, I bet some of you would be so sick reading my blog now. I am sorry, I don’t mean it. I just wanted to express how I felt ?

As this is the only place where I can voice out. I just don’t know how to speak out with friends anymore. I’m too scared, I am a coward. Yes, I choose to run away, well, sooner or later, it will come back to me. Karma. Just finished watching 07 ghost lately, and I fell in love with the song and the anime. I am so useless, and somehow I feel I am a little like Teito, but I know friends around are just like the bishops who are trying hard to help him out. I will live for a reason, I know I’m being born to this world for a reason. I should not judge myself this way perhaps? God wouldn’t be happy seeing this, I am being very selfish I guess. Talking rubbish again but I want to thank Wani and Shio for accompanying me these few weekends. And thanks for not asking me why I look like this, I might be blunt sometimes, and I might not reply sometimes. I am sorry . . . And I know sometimes I just spoiled the mood, but I am glad that you both, and other sisters are around. Thanks Aster for disturbing me everyday for ohm nom nom, I might just skip meals, and to others also for the concern.

I’m not focused again. Just don’t know what the hell is bothering. I should probably just bang my head to the wall, so that I’ll lose some memories, or I should just forget everything, and start a new life, but in another way, I don’t feel like doing this, as I want to face this. This is the challenge of life that I must face, I shouldn’t run away. I will face what we have to go through with everyone. I know deep deep inside, God loves each and everyone of us, sorry suddenly I sound so religious, oh well, I have no mood in doing my work now. Just felt like writing. I have so many incomplete tasks, need to meet up with bro today, and pick up sis-in law and little Micole from the air port at midnight, send them back to KL, sleep over at bro’s place and head off to work early tomorrow morning.

I still have promised things that I have not do. Tuesday is a friend’s Birthday, Wednesday am planning to bring CC to Connaught, and Thursday after work, will be driving straight home to Ipoh with kacee. Hope I can cope with these few days schedule. Friday would be freaking busy, helping mum doing the final preparations, cook and etc. I hope there’s connection at home, at least I can still wish friends who are not able to go back a Happy and Wonderful holiday. And I hope everyone would enjoy their CNY. All the best, will write a little throughout the week, if I could. And I hope the next post would not be another crappy rubbish emo post.

Thanks again friends, who encouraged me not to stop writing. I owe everyone too much. Wished I could repay, so I am praying to god, to ease everyone’s heart, soften them, whatever happens, there’s always someone praying for you. Although we are far apart, or we are no longer together, I hope the best for you. Stay tough!~

Happy Chinese New Year 2010 ~


2 thoughts on “Not feeling well . . .

  1. Hello, Sam! I am here again!Are you alive? I’m kidding! :)If you die, I’ll get sick. I really like your blog, you keep me informed about the cosplays of malaysia. When you talk about your problems, I also like. Cause I like to know “how you are” and “what you are feeling”. I’m always here, so if you feel better after writing, I’m happy to “help” you.But I really don’ t know what’s the problem, what you did or what happened to make you so sad. And I can’ t be a true friend, because I am too far away. So all I can say is: ” Apologize to your friends.” If they are your true friends, they will forgive you. It may take a while, but they will forgive you. And no matter who is right or wrong. If they are important to you, you must forgive them, even if they do not recognize their errors.Bye! Forgive the english of Google translator, too. :)I don’t know how help you, because I’m a man. And Ocidental man don’t have emotions!!! 😛

  2. @°A° – Hey! Thanks a lot for dropping by. And thanks a bunch for spending your time reading. I appreciate it a lot. *HUGS. Sorry can’t update you about anything besides my personal life. I promise I will Update about cosplay which is in March soon! How is it going on there ? And I forgive you for the english of Google translator XD Keep in touch ^^

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