A new chapter

Yup, it’s November now and we are only around 1 month plus away from CF. Have not made any preparations, no mood in cosplay lately. Busy with work and dealing with stuffs around. And busy being the psychology doctor around frineds, but seriously, I think I am the one who needs one now.

WHAT IS TRUST? Wonder what you will feel if you fuond out one of your closest friend betray you ? Someone that you would share your feelings and everything going on with. Remember I always tell friends around never to trust anyone around you even your best friend. 70% is the max. Now I got backfired ? Oh well, I’ve been thinking a lot lately. And most of the time, I can’t sleep. And I feel very heartbroken. If only I can share all this with mom. The pain in the heart is getting more and more deeper. I thought after I settle things with her, life would be better, as I thought the source of pain is from there. My life is ruined now. Maybe I should stop doing everything and concentrate on work + my relationship. Maybe I should stay away from fooling around, playing with friends, going for cosplay, and hanging out.

Will that help me to feel better ? Will I be happier ? Well, we shall see. I have no plans yet, but I plan to pay a visit to a psychology friend. I think I seriously need it. I am getting mad I think. Work is slowly settling down, lots of other stuffs to worry a bout.

I really wish I could just leave this world so that I don’t need to go through all this.
I really wish that things are not this bad.
I want to be a BAD person. So that people are scared of me. So that people don’t bully me but I’ve always told myself not to do that.
I want to be nice, I want people to respect me, I want people to like me. Why is it so hard?

I’m sorry I am crapping in my blog again. It’s a total breakdown for me.
I wish I can cry out loud.
I wish I don’t need to hurt myself to not think of this
I wish I can let everything down.

I wish my life less challenging.
I wish I could tell mom.
I wish I have a shoulder to cry on.
I wish the friend that I have trusted all this while would never do that to me.
I wish I was never born.
I wish I don’t need to fight a smile.
I wish I can forget everything.

I wish I don’t need to write all this here.
I HOPE THIS WILL END SOON . . .

I MAY LOOK STRONG, but to be honest, I’M NOT!!

oh yeah, just gotten a haircut 2 days ago, credits to chris yap for the awesome job. This is what I’ve been wanting to have. Love the hair.

Guess I will stop blogging for a while, until things get better.
Take care everyone, I wish everyone the best of luck and have a nice day always.

Cheers ~
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13 thoughts on “A new chapter

  1. hey, be strong! at least u can split! XD *ok thats random*what u write up there i had gone tru b4, it is a past now. you should make those things as your past. Dont look back on things like this, by looking back things, you will forgot about your future. As future will have more things coming up to you, be it exciting, challenging, fun, or difficulties. We all need to overcome them, get over it in order to become a better person. Stand at your current stage and keep thinking the past will only STOP you from moving forward, you will loose up what you had in mind about your future, loose faith in yourself and your friends. Remember, no matter how many people betray you on this world, there will still be me, SW and other people around you that will give you support. Sometimes you think no one ever likes you, but you also dint know there’s alot of ppl respect you in their heart. DONT GIVE UP! =)PS: I apologize again if i had hurt you in anywhere.

  2. Hun, I don’t know what happened, but when you’re sad, I’m sad too. =( I can’t just say nothing when you’re clearly upset, so even though I don’t know exactly what to say to comfort you or make you feel better, I’d just like you to know that, like Wani, you can always count on me to be your friend. Though I’m not sure what I can do, I’ll do my best to always support you. I appreciate you, you’re a special friend to me, and I think you’re a good, honest person.Life is full of ugliness, but that’s what makes the beautiful moments shine all the more brighter. There will be good time ahead of you, I’m sure. Don’t give up hope.*hugs* Sorry if I couldn’t say anything particularly comforting … ^^; I just hope you feel better soon. =(~ Cappy

  3. When someone hurts you, there’s a lot more who’s there to pick you up and brush you off. Those are the true friends who are really your friends. So all is well. Like my lect used to say, shit happens ma. These kind of people, just think of them as an experience and learn from it, but it’s not wrong at all to be nice to people and to trust others. It’s because you’ve always been like that you’ve earned a lot of love and respect from a lot of us, no? We’re all not strong. But it doesn’t mean we should crumble all the way. Just breakdown, feel bad for a while, then climb back up and smile from your heart na. Life isn’t all pretty, but in between all the bad stuff there’s the good. 😀 We’re all here with open arms. (I know I very cheesy now, don’t laugh!)Anyways, I should have said this ages ago, but thanks for everything you have done for me. Thanks for being a friend who gave me a kick when I needed it and made me grow up. 😀 And thanks for intro-ing me that lady so I can get treatment. Lol. (tho next yr they raise price to RM15 per session. Siao eh!)I LOVE YOU SAMMY!!!! T____________T

  4. Cappy >> Thanks a lot ^^ Thanks for spending time reading this crappy post. Thanks for commenting. I really hope to see you soon. When you’re back, let’s go out for a drink. Let’s do some photoshoot. Miss the days we hang out. *hugsAudrey >> You know, I’ve always been sharing with you when you stayed next door, I’ve always knocked on your door when we wanted to talk. Life is very hard now that I have my own life, and so do you. We need to grow up, not a child anymore. No more crying baby! Haha, I am saying so many stuff to you but I’m acting like a crybaby. I don’t want things to happen like this, but I just suddenly feel very down after I found out about that particular person. I know god loves me, that’s why he is doing this. He wants me to know and realize that I should not talk so much to this person anymore. I should not simply share my feelings and things with this person. So that I won’t get hurt. Haha. . . I’m writing crap again. Sorry I am losing focus, but thanks anyway. Miss you loads. And I hope to see you soon ~

  5. Ya know, I think I knock on your door more. Hahahahaha! But yeah, we do need to grow up, but it doesn’t mean we need to lose ourselves. Talking about things help a lot to ease the pressure in our chests and we think clearly after that, just make sure we know who to trust? I guess. :S If you weren’t there to listen to me I probably would have gotten worse by now. You’d probably wanna kill me even more. |D;;; Crying doesn’t make you weak, imo, it makes you stronger, if you know when to stop and learn not to pity yourself. I’ve cried for two whole years, but thank God you guys were there for me. We all have the rights to cry ma. Then cry all you want, and move on forward ba. We have our own lives, yeah, but it doesn’t mean we should separate ourselves. There’s a reason why there are friends, and friends are meant to be there for each other, that’s what I believe. Not everyone thinks that way, but I don’t have to follow the rest right? So if you need a shoulder to cry on, or someone to rant to, I’m always here, tho how effective I am idk la, but I’m always here for you, just like how you were always there for me. If you know not to talk to these person ady, then stop. Put the past behind you and think of it as a lesson, but don’t let it make you a lesser of a person. Ara, I talking crap. :S But yeah, missing you loads too. All the nights of going over to your room to walk around just because I’m bored or kacau you for fun. (Esp laughing very loud at night while watching anime to see if you have any reaction through MSN or not. kukukuku~) T_T I miss those days too, but new days are ahead! We shall make new memories. ;D And yus~ See you sooonish~

  6. Audrey >> yeah, those days were really the best, although we were going through a super hard time, but I am really glad that I met you. I am the one always scolding you saying you weak. LOL, now I am the one who needs some advice. =___= You’ll always be there for me ? Where are you now ? I want to see you tonight !! *demandsLOL, just joking lar, yeah, crying is ok, and I cried in the car for almost an hour while I was stuck in the jam yesterday. It really feels better. And for now, I just don’t know who to talk to or who should I trust. I am very lost. No worries, I will tell you when the time is right. And yeah, can’t wait to see you soon. Thanks again for spending time reading, and replying here. I am very happy that I have you and the others. T_TAnd I am really proud to tell the world I have caring friends like you all. Thank you ~Take care ^^

  7. Haiyo, you take it physically pulak. Ok, I ROLL THERE. Hahahahah! *rolls*Aiya, everyone needs advice now and then ma, we’re not clear and rational the whole time. No problem with that. See, let you scold scold ha, kick kick ha, cha cha ha, I ma grow up lor. XD*sayang* Take your time la. Let the feelings slowly heal. 🙂 *gives you wedgie* XDD Take care na~

  8. Audrey >> thanks mom. I’m so going to CRUSH HUG you when I see you. Hope to see you soon ^^Enjoy your stay at TA. And help me say hie to the treatment auntie. Ahahahaha. . . ttyl on msn ~

  9. Muagahahaha. My turn to nag you. HAHAHAHA jkjkDun crush hug me la, I die later. XDDD And the treatment aunty I go to is her sis now. Closer XDDTtyl~

  10. Audrey >> I see. Crush hug you cos long time no hug you ma. You think so easy can break your bones meh. Anyways, thanks again 🙂 I feel better now ^^Thanks everyone !

  11. Hold on Sam! You are so adorable that I, that live so far from you, admire you. Don’t lose that special person, that you are, to the disappointments that life brings us. Be strong! And… Prepare your fantasy to C.F. now! The party is coming and I want to see pictures! Photos! Photos! I’m crazy for them!

  12. °A°>> Thanks a lot ^^ I am very happy and glad that I have so many friends who care. Thanks for replying here and also to those who message me in msn & text me in phone. TwT I’ll stay strong! In fact, I am a lot better now. At least I slept a little more and a friend claimed me sleep talking a lot. =____= but yeah, don’t worry, I’ll flood you with pictures of CF soon. And I hope to see everyone soon. Thanks a lot. See you around ~ :)Take care ! ~

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