MOOD :: Bored, or can I say moodless
TIME :: 5.10pm
VENUE :: Alone in the Living Room
Listening to :: Tsubasa Chronicles OST
Just felt like blogging after a long time . . . as I don’t know where I can write out how I feel right now.
I’m not really in a good condition right now, I know I might sound childish but it’s how I am feeling right now. Not to say that I am not matured or silly cos I don’t have a permenant job right now, so I might sound stupid sitting here writing silly things for my friends to read it.
Since the previous breakdown, the hole in my heart has not healed, in fact, it somehow gotten bigger. SW might feel sad and blame herself for not being able to do anything for me, but this is my own matter, I just want to settle it on my own. Now I am sharing it with the world to know how I feel. If you feel irritated, just click the “x” on your top right corner. Things that happened and occur these few months just somehow make the beginning of my new year suck. Maybe the person was right after all, this year is not a good year for “Rabbit”. Somehow not to say I don’t believe it, I have to cos things are happening right now, not to say all the bad things, just that it is not as good as last year. I am not whining, not complaining, just feel like expressing out how i feel.
I’ve just got back from Ipoh last Thursday, it’s not even 1 week. Mom called the other day, asking me to go back to help her out. I am a bad daughter ( I start to think like that ) cos I somehow raised my voice and said “NO”. I just got my ass back and now you wanted me to go back ?
Had a short conversation with mom before I set off back to KL last week, she said . . .
Mummy :: Your dad told your uncle, that he asked you to come back to stay with us in IPOH. It’s only 2 of us old folk, staying in this Big Bungalow, if anything happens, either one of us falls down, gets injured, there is no one to help out. Do you understand. Your dad is worried.
ME :: Can’t he just tell me face to face ? Why tell other people but not telling me instead?
Mummy :: He doesn’t know how to tell you.
ME :: Just tell la. What’s so hard.? I might reconsider moving back directly for “HIS SAKE” !!.
I don’t know, just don’t feel like talking to her so I hopped off the car and asked her to leave.
While I was in the train, a lot of things ran aroudn my mind, well, I have my own life too. Not to say that I am being bad or what, and the fact that my distance with my brothers are too far, ok, what the hell… Yeah, I can’t rely on my brothers as they are all USELESS, yes they have their own family and the fact that I am not married and I am the only one DAMN FREE DOING NOTHING NOW is the only CANDIDATE to go back and serve them. Well, I am a pationate person, I like home, I love to stay with parents, but the fact that DAD help CHOOSE MY PATH, I just HATE IT. I want to spend 1 year, at least let me enjoy this 1 year to explore around. Working at Williams was really a good experience for me, I am happy, I get paid although it’s not much but I am really happy. I learn a lot of things. I NEED MY OWN LIFE TOO you KNOW. . .
There they come again Nagging :: WTF la… you get paid RM4 ? RM4.50 per hour, your uncle bla bla say you are stupid, so low pay still want to work here . . . bla bla bla . . .
When I quit working at williams because I couldn’t cope, my eyes can’t take the pressure of editing wedding pictures, facing the screen for whole day, then they nagged :: WTF la… you are so hopeless, what also need me to tell you how to do. You see, you want to stay in PJ, you can’t even pay up your own rental. Still need our help. Bla bla bla . . .That’s why I tell you to come back and work here.
Well, the more I think about this, the angrier I feel. Sometimes I just feel like going to bed but not waking up the next day. I’m sick of this life, but I can’t do that, cos it’s all FAITH, this is all meant to happen. I have to FACE it. Until I DIE!!!
Haiz…. Fingers shaking already, and I’m down with stupid flu, didn’t really get good sleep while I was back at home then. I am working on few freelance jobs ok, and I get paid. And I go back often, if you really want me to get a permenant job, you have to bear in mind. I WON’T HAVE TIME TO GO BACK ANYMORE!. So STOP being so Fuxxxxxx SELFISH and think. I am not working in PARKSON. You go to work at 10am and end job at 10pm ? COME ON LAH!!!… I have no LIFE when I work FULL TIME.
Whenever I do anything, I have to THINK FOR YOUR SAKE. Do you KNOW ?
Nah, you wouldn’t KNOW. You don’t even know how to use your mobile phone.
Just forget it. What is writen out, shall be forgotten.
Cheers people, just ignore what I’ve writen. Will try to enjoy and make myself happier in events that will be coming.
see you around ~